Saab's Christmas and Birthday Wishlist

This Christmas is going to be Saab's first one. Her first birthday is also nearly just two weeks from now. Since all that's coming from her mouth are "tata", "mama", "dad", and other things with meanings unknown to everyone around her, I will be the one making her a wishlist. Yes, a wishlist is indeed needed these times. First of all, for you people to not anymore stress over what to give her on Christmas and on her birthday (yes, I meant that separately, one for Christmas and one for her birthday. HAHAHA!). And second, so that SAAB would not be disappointed once she opens your gifts. :)) alright, without further ado, here's Saab's 2 occasions-in-1 wishlist:

1. Clothes-- Although she doesn't have enough room for more clothes, It's great to have cute dresses, body suits, and other fashionable clothes for Saab here. Admit it, clothes look cuter and more adorable when they're smaller. I love shopping for Saab's clothes and so will you. Perhaps, you can buy her another closet or storage for her clothes, too. :))

2. Shoes-- Of course, to match those cute clothes, there should be cute shoes, too. 

3. Swimsuits-- We are planning to go to the beach in the summer. Since I cannot wear a bikini for myself, thanks to all the stretchmarks and the flabs on my tummy, I would let Saab wear all those nice bikinis instead. HAHAHA!

4. Toys-- Saab prefers educational toys, musical toys (is that the term used for toys that produce sounds?), toys that she can ride on. No stuffed toys please. 

5. Play tents-- I remember when I was a kid that I always want to have a fortress, so I always built one with blankets and pillows. I know almost everyone of us did that when we're kids. I would like to spare Saab the energy and the effort and settle with play tents instead. Hah!

6. CDs or DVDs of nursery songs and 'educational' cartoons-- I need this so that once in a while, Saab would sit in one corner, would not want to play at all, just sit there and watch, or listen to music. Besides, to those who watched, you know how the Twinkle Twinkle video affects her and I kind of like it when she's almost hypnotized just like that.

7. Huggies Dry Comfort Large-- Well, if you cannot find any of the above, if you are too lazy to to find one, or if you have read this too late and you do not have time left to find the perfect gift for Saab, then you can settle with this: 

Well, I hope you find this list useful. Actually, it really is useful, right? Okay, guys, make me a happy mommy and let's make Saab a happy baby this Christmas and on her birthday! :)

A Mother's Prayer For Her Child by Tina Fey

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes and not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the drums to the fiery rhythm of her own heart with the sinewy strength of her own arms, so she need not lie with drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a mental note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

Christmas Wish List

Now that Christmas is fast-approaching, and so is Saab's first birthday, I am having my Christmas wish list posted for everyone, including strangers, to see. Why? Because my priority now is to save for Saab's first birthday ballerina-themed party, ergo, I cannot or I should not buy things for myself. So I am leaving all my wants and needs for you guys to buy if you ever feel like sharing your blessings this coming Christmas...NOT! No, I am not asking, I am mandating you to give me gifts! Haha!

So here's the list:

1. Eye glasses: NEED
Because I spend more than 12 hours of my day, 6 days of my week in front of the computer I don't have the 20/20 vision I had just 2 years ago. Now, I my eyesight is so poor, I probably won't recognize you if you are walking towards me from 3 or more meters away. I am also having severe headaches in which I attribute to my poor eyesight as well. You see, eye glasses (check-up, lens, frame) cost P4k or more and I cannot simply afford to buy one. Yes, I am just being stingy. And because New Girl is my new favorite show, I want glasses like that of hers.

UPDATE: FOR THOSE WHO ARE PLANNING TO GIVE ME NUMBER 1, YOU CAN CHOOSE AMONG THE OTHERS BECAUSE THIS HAS JUST BEEN BOUGHT (A BIG THANK YOU TO THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THIS!). Well, not exactly like Jessica Day's because it did not look good on me because one, I have a small face, and two, I have like the worst nose ever. So I opted for this:

2. HP Pavilion G6 Luminous Rose Laptop or Karim Rashid Asus 1008P Pink 10.1-inch Netbook: NEED and WANT

Okay. So maybe, 70% need and 30% want because the laptop I am using now for work is working perfectly fine. And I know nothing about laptop specifications and whatever technical features these laptops have. I only want them for their color, obviously. A regular black laptop looks too boring to look at, especially if you have to look at it for more than half a day. Seriously, I need one of these laptops, you guys! 

HP Pavilion G6 Luminous Rose Laptop

Karim Rashid Asus 1008P Pink 10.1-inch Netbook

3. Rompers, Cardigans, and Dresses: WANT


Again, I love New Girl and I love Jessica Day's style. It is quirky and fun. I know I wont really look like Jessica Day nor Zooey Deschanel but I still want to have that kind of style. Besides, I know it is weird but I feel guilty now whenever I buy things for myself especially if those things are just 'wants' and not 'needs' so I am letting you do the job.

4. Flats: WANT

I know I do not have a social life. I know I don't go out that much because of work. I know I don't need this much of flats but heck, they are all adorable. And I don't wear heels, at all. So, I think flats are kind of a need for me, too. 

5. High-Waist Shorts: WANT

Again, I just need a closet revamp and I want this new closet to be Jessica Day inspired. So, yeah, high-waist shorts would be perfect! They are ultra-comfy and they would definitely hide those unwanted fats on my tummy. Or not? I don't know but they look really cute. 

6. UP Shirts: WANT

I am into UP t-shirts now, too for I think I didn't buy UP shirts when I was still at the University. I don't know. I just thought that going to school everyday and then wearing UP shirts is a bit OA. But now that I graduated already, I would like to remind myself where I came from, once in a while. And I really think UP shirts now are more badass than those released before. UP pride! HAHA! 

Shirts and Jacket From Diliman Republic

7. Harry Potter Books: WANT

I know you would not call me a Harry Potter fan anymore if I would tell you that I have not read any of the books yet. Believe me, I want to! But, the old lazy me just didn't want to. As anybody of you may know, I am not such a fan of reading books but for Harry Potter, I am willing to do it. So, for this Christmas I would really like to have a complete set of Harry Potter books for me to read (or for Saab to read when she grows up so she could relay the story to me). 

I really want the hardcover set in a chest...

...but the paperback set will do, too.

8. Harry Potter Complete DVD Collection: NEED

Yes, this, definitely I need. I need the original DVDs so I can be able to watch the special features and documentaries included in the DVDs. But if you can find pirated ones with those included, I would definitely appreciate them as well. I need these. Seriously, I have been asking stores at least once a week if they already have a complete set but they still don't. Please find a set for me! 

9. DVDs of Movies and TV Series: NEED

As you may know now, I am more of a TV-person than a book-person (Harry Potter books and Mitch Albom books would be the only exception). And I really hate waiting for an episode a week of TV series. So you can really make me happy by giving me (pirated or original) DVDs of movies and the TV series that I watch and I want to watch. In terms of movies, any genre would do except horror films that involve ghosts and exorcism. As for TV series, I would be a really happy and hoppy bunny if you would give me House M.D. seasons 6 and 7, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. seasons 1-10, How I Met Your Mother seasons 1-7, and One Tree Hill seasons 7-9. I've got the complete seasons of Grey's Anatomy and I have been watching the latest seasons of Gossip Girl and New Girl online so you don't have to get me those. 

10. Make-up: WANT

Specifically, lipsticks of these shades (pink, brown, and  bright red), POWERFUL concealer, and blushes. Apparently, I gave up on the eye make-ups when I realized there is no way I am going to learn how to use them. Just a waste of money, so I am opting for these instead. 

11. Chocolate: NEED

These are my favorite chocolates, Lindt pure white chocolate, Toblerone white chocolate, Galaxy pure milk chocolate, and Ferrero Rocher. You can give me these for these are a need to my life right now but other brands of chocolates will be welcome, too. 

A heartfelt letter on a greeting card, a picture and a greeting posted on Facebook, a phone call

UPDATE: THESE ARE FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE JOBS LIKE CHILDREN, BABIES, AND THE ELDERLY. 

Of course I am not at all that materialistic so these three above would also do (Hi, Paula! I want one of these 3 + one of the other 9 from you :)) 

So friends and family, you know what you have to do. Besides greeting Jesus a happy birthday, you have to make this happen. Yes, I am putting the pressure on you guys. HAHAHA! 

Mischief Managed

It was eleven years ago when I watched the first installment of the Harry Potter films, the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and it was a week ago when I watched its final installment, the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Up until now, the whole movie, and the whole series, perhaps, still lingers in my brain. When I remember bits of the scenes in the Harry Potter 7.2, I cannot help but still feel sad, not only because the scenes were basically depressing, heavy, and quite really unbearable, but secondly, because I thought that it will be the last Harry Potter movie that I am going to watch inside a movie theater. I even cried lots when the epilogue was showing because I know there will not be another scene next to it, nor another film to be shown the next year that I can patiently anticipate. For me, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was not just an end of an epic book and movie series but also marks the end of my childhood.

The IMAX Experience

I booked tickets from IMAX MOA just a week before the date I intended to watch the movie. I even ordered a Gryffindor shirt online just so I can have something to wear that day and well, to show my support to Harry and all the other casts and tell them that I am indeed with them until the very end. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 2 is the only HP film to be shown in 3d so I want to watch it in not any theater but the best theater there is. I haven't tried watching anything in 3d yet so I was kind of hesitant to watch it in digital 3d so I opted for IMAX. Yes, I spent P450 worth of ticket for a movie only to be shown once and without any teaser trailers before it actually starts (I was really hoping for the movie trailers, actually. It's my most favorite part when I am watching movies in movie theaters).

The IMAX experience was superb. It is really eyegasmic and thought, Avatar would really fun to watch here. I thought I was going to wear those glasses with blue and red colors on them. I would say that the P450-worth of ticket was all worth it. The movie started on time, the seats were ultra-comfortable, you feel like you're in a VIP movie theater or something. However, I felt that it was very unnecessary for the Harry Potter producers to make the final movie shown in 3d. I don't think there were lots of scenes that called for a 3d effect. In fact, I can only remember three--the Warner Brothers logo shown at the beginning, the trio's ride together with the two goblins to Bellatrix Lestrange's vault, and the scene when Voldemort's face was breaking into pieces when Nagini was finally killed by Neville Longbottom. With the exception of the showing the Warner Brothers' logo, I thought that those two other scenes weren't really important at all. Or were they? Enlighten me, please.


The Performance


As for the artists' performances, I thought they really improved so much since the first film. Over all, all the cast showed their greatest performances yet. They all gave their all, I suppose knowing it will be the last time that they would portray those roles. There were not a lot of speaking lines for a lot of characters but you can see it on their faces that what they are doing were way beyond just acting.

For one, the last scene of Fred and George when they're both still alive was just heart-breaking. You can see them smiling, trying to be cool, pretty much being their usual self but you can really see it in their eyes--the fear that anytime something terrible might happen to any of them or any of their family and friends, yet they have to stay strong, or look strong, at the very least, for each other.

Another scene that brought me to almost-crying and whole-body-goosebumps was this duel scene between Minerva Mcgonagall and Severus Snape. This was the very first scene when I first felt my heart was growing its own tear ducts. I was not crying yet but I know my heart was already.

This scene was just heart-pounding and heart-breaking at the same time. You can clearly see from this two that they don't want to hurt each other because they are friends but they cannot just let their guard down because they are both protecting something or someone. Snape was hiding and protecting the truth because he knows it was not the time yet to spill it all. Mcgonagall, on the other hand was just fed up with all these dark forces on Hogwarts and she was not holding back anymore. I cannot stress enough how impressed I am with Maggie Smith, the actress who played Professor Mcgonagall. She was undergoing chemotherapy while filming Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 and two yet she was able to deliver her role perfectly. well, I honestly thought she was not really acting, she and Mcgonagall are both very brave and battling cancer and death-eaters feel pretty much the same, I guess. 

Of course all the other casts did well, too. They all deserved to be part of the movie, lead by the trio, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, and Daniel Radcliffe, who played Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter, respectively, but describing their performances one by one won't be that thrilling for me and won't be that good-to-read for the others. And no, I didn't forget about Alan Rickman who played Severus Snape, he deserves a whole section of this post. 

"Look at me. You have your mother's eyes."

This was Severus Snape's, played by Alan Rickman, last words before he died. That was exactly when my eyes decided to start acting like waterfalls. Snape's last scenes became the end of the calm me. Although it was not directly shown, Snape being bitten by Nagini, I don't know, three to four times was just so hard to bear. I cried so hard during that scene even more with his last scene and all the other scenes after this (actually, I did not stop crying since then until I was walking out of the theater already).

Alan Rickman's acting was just so moving, it still breaks my heart when I remember all his scenes from this movie, including that of when Harry was viewing his past through the Pensieve. It made me cry buckets and I think he truly overshadowed the main characters. I think he was the true hero of the entire film. I absolutely love his character and the way it was portrayed was just great. The movie staff and most especially, Alan Rickman did justice to his character. Alan Rickman deserves all the awards! 

The Deaths

After Snape's death, all the other deaths of characters were shown. It was just too devastating and too hard for me to handle when Tonks' and Lupin's dead bodies were shown and then Fred's. I was just crying so hard and hoping the one on my left does not hear a thing at the same time. Thank goodness for the director and the writers not showing how they died because that would just be unbearable. 

And then there was Lavander's death. I hate her so much during Harry Potter and the Half-blood prince when she all just did was basically kiss Ron Weasley, and well, make Hermione Granger vomit. But seeing her being eaten by a werewolf was a shocker. It was just so...morbid. 

The Kissing Scenes

There were just two, Ron/Hermione's and Harry/Ginny's. 

Of the two, of course, I would definitely go with the Ron/Hermione kiss. Well, for an obvious reason that I have a huge crush on Harry Potter and seeing him kiss other girls just makes me cringe and wants to vomit, just like what Hermione felt when Lavander kissed Ron all the time at HP 6. And another thing, the kiss between Harry and Ginny, speaking as a completely third party objective with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, was really awkward. Ginny was kissing Harry's upper lip, which if you are keenly observing, is almost non-existent. It was just wrong and awkward. 

But Ron and Hermione's kiss was just romantic. It quite gave me a shock and as Ron said it, it was like a now-or-never kiss. It was something, I think they both waited for that all their lives (your fans anticipated for that too, as much as those two did).  That was a total pick-up-er for all those depressing scenes of death and war, actually. 

The Comic Reliefs

For those who have been watching Harry Potter movies starting from its very first installment, you would probably observe that all the movies, no matter how dark and depressing the whole movies are, there are still scenes that will absolutely make you laugh. Well, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 is no exception to that.

I loved how these scenes and others more were able to be great icebreakers. It did not stop me from crying (yes, I was crying and laughing at the same time) but they were really funny and witty. 

And yes, all those minutes Harry Potter pretended to be dead seemed like a big joke for me. I mean, I get it, Neville Longbottom's speech is supposed to touch your feelings and it was supposed to be his 'moment' but that just seemed to be just like Allan's (Zach Galifinakis) speech from The Hangover Part 1. When I heard Neville spoke those mushy lines I was just "this is like The Hangover all over again!". And Voldemort's laugh when Neville stepped forward was just hilarious! 

Until the Very End

Yes, finally all was well at the wizarding world as the good defeated the evil but seeing them after nineteen years, with their children boarding the Hogwarts train almost became the death of me. I refuse to leave the theater as I was not done crying yet. It was just seeing the movie that you anticipated every year come to an end. It was just hard seeing them age and then reflecting on how much your life has changed as well.

But I guess, it was not the end yet. I mean, I can re-watch my DVDs when I feel the need to. I can still let Saab and my other children in the future to know Harry Potter and all the other characters and creatures that made my childhood mystical and magical. And hopefully, it would make theirs mystical and magical, too. After all, as J.K. Rowling, author of the books said, "Hogwarts is always there to welcome you home". 

Mischief managed.

DISCLAIMER: Well, I know those people would condemn me for feeling like this, as I have not read any Harry Potter book yet, and you might feel that I am exaggerating. But hey, at least I still have books to look forward to read still. I definitely will, when the lazy person inside me would allow me, soon. :)) And oh, the GIFs are not mine.

Day 4: A Letter to Your Sibling

Dear Brother, 

I'll keep this short okay? After all, if you would be able to find this blog, you wouldn't want to read something very long. We both have attention spans of a goldfish or someone with ADHD for that matter. 

I now I may have made you feel inferior to me a lot of times, don't ask me how I was able to find out, I swear it'll make you angry, or not. But you make me feel proud more than you know. I was in tears when you graduated from college and got that Best Thesis award among others. I admire your patience and perseverance to finish that thesis. Not sleeping for almost a week straight is something I was not able to do in my entire academic years. I couldn't do it because I am lazy like that. But you, you always pull an all-nighter when you have to, and that's something very admirable, well at least for me. Me doing that would be unimaginable. 

I admire your love for God. I have faith, okay, don't get me wrong, but you, your love and faith in Him is unmatched. I mean, seriously, there was this time I really thought you will become a pastor or something. It must be hard for you when people were mocking or teasing you when you go to different places and preach the word of God. I remember you reading me a Bible verse because I said the girl you're courting is ugly and has an awful body odor. I thought it was really weird, but I'm not mocking you, okay. It must be very difficult for you to do that when people around you are questioning your shift of religion. But hey, I admire you for standing for your beliefs. 

I, lastly, admire your love for me and Saab. I know I wouldn't ever get I LOVE YOU's or hugs and kisses (I wouldn't want that  from you either, seriously!) from you but you letting me the first to know about what's happening to your love life, your job applications, and whatever it is that's happening to your life is love. You valuing my advice and opinions, suggestions, and recommendations regarding your most important life decisions is love. And you putting Saab to sleep and playing with her when I am busy with work is love. I could not be more thankful. 

I said I'd keep this short, so I should wrap this up now. I may not say this to you everyday but I hope I am letting you feel it, I love you, brother! 

Day 3: A Letter to Your Parents

Too bad I can't find an old photo of us together. I don't know if those doesn't really exist or I am just too lazy to find one. I have a feeling that this letter would be overly emotional but I will try not to make it so. Even though I don't have much readers, my feelings for you won't match the theme of my blog which is to be amusing. So let this letter be quick and light.

Dear Mommy and Daddy, 

Although this letter is intended for the both of you, I'd rather that you do not find out about this. You've known me as someone who isn't expressive especially to those things that hurt me. You splitting up almost a decade ago was not exactly a great thing. It is not something most children would want to happen to their precious family but I think, you splitting up was a way for me to learn things, the hard way, yes, but nevertheless, I learned a lot from it anyway. 

I learned that distance don't matter to people who love each other. Although you were not physically with me all the time all throughout these years, I've never felt for one second that you loved me less. You guys did everything you can do to make me feel loved by giving me everything I need and want, and keeping in touch no matter what. At times when I feel alone, I'd get a random text from you and that would make me feel blessed and happy. I know that I should never feel alone, because somewhere across the world or miles away, someone's always thinking about me and someone's longing to be with me. 

I also learned how to be forgiving and resilient no matter what people did to you in the past. No matter how hurt you are today, you would always feel better if you never hold grudges against someone or something. Grudges won't bring you anywhere, it'll just pull you down and consume your whole being until you're left with nothing, even love for yourself. It is always better to be happy no matter how things or people disappoint you. And I grew up exactly like that. I don't know if I become resilient or indifferent, but I guess those two things are good things. 

Lastly, I learned that we should never have regrets. Things happen because they are bound to happen. And nothing happens for a reason. You see, everything that comes your way, good or bad, it always teach you something, something you can use to become a better person later in your life. And my parents taught me that. Things won't always happen as you wish them to be. Things happen as they should happen and it will bring you to full happiness, you just have to seize every moment and be patient for your happiness to come.

No matter how painful you splitting up years ago felt, I still am thankful that you are my parents. You still are the best parents one could have. After all, we're all born with flaws. I think I was brought up really well and I turned out to be a good person. And that's because of you, Mommy and Daddy. And if I was ever given the chance to change how things happened before, I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess I won't be as happy as I am now if those things didn't happy. So no regrets and all is well.

Day 2: A Letter to Your Crush

Disclaimer: This post has to be written in Tagalog because I am afraid Daniel would find out I have the biggest crush on him. What if he's feeling all narcissistic and starts Google-ing his name and finds out about this post and starts falling in love with me? That will be tragic...for Ferald. So here it goes:

Mahal kong Crush,

Tandang-tanda ko pa nung una kitang makita. Labing-isang taong gulang pa lang ako nun at namimili ng gamit pang-eskwela sa National Bookstore. Ang muka mong ubod ng cute na naka-print sa isang unan ang bumungad sakin. Naaalala kong tinitigan ko yun ng matagal at biglang nag slow motion ang lahat ng tao sa paligid hanggang sa tawagin ako ng tatay ko sa counter. Ngayon nalilito tuloy ako kung yun ay isang panaginip lang o talagang yun ang nangyari, para kasing sa pelikula lang yun nangyayari. 

Grade 5 pa lang ata ako nun, mga bata pa tayo nun, at sayo ko unang naramadaman ang napakasayang feeling ng pagkakaron ng crush. Tawagin na akong loser pero simula nung grade 5 hanggang ngayon, matapos ang mahigit sampung taon, heto ako at crush pa rin kita. 

Natatandaan ko pa ang napakadaming unan na katabi ko sa aking kama na merong muka mo. Lahat sila, yun ang inireregalo sa akin pag pasko. Minsan naman, kung may pera akong nakukuha ay pinambibili ko din yun ng mga unang may muka mo. Natatandaan ko pang itinatalikod ko silang lahat kapag magbibihis ako sa kwarto kasi ayaw mong pumikit kahit sinabi ko nang magbibihis ako. Palagi din akong bumibili ng K-zone magazines dahil lagi kang naka-feature duon. Nakakatuwang malaman ang iba't ibang facts tungkol kay Harry Potter at Daniel Radcliffe. 

Natatandaan ko din na minsan akong dinalan ng magazine at ng Limited Edition Harry Potter watch ng tita ko nung galing sya sa Amerika. Ako na yata ang pinakamasayang bata nung nataggap ko yun. At yung mga panahong nangongolekta ko ng mga pictures mo galing sa mga magazines at photo books at itinatabi ko sila sa mga picture ko.

Natatandaan ko ding ikaw ang palaging gusto kong i-partner sakin sa tuwing gagawa ng script ang kaibigan kong si Celine. Natatandaan kong sobrang kilig ko nuon at napapangiti ako mag-isa sa tuwing may scenes tayong dalawa. At yung mga panahong kebs lang sa pagpila makanuod lang ng pelikula mo. Hinding-hindi ko yun makakalimutan. 

Malaki na ang pinagbago nating dalawa. Nakakalungkot isipin na ilang araw na lang ay ipapalabas na ang huling Harry Potter movie mo. Nakakalungkot isipin na mahilig ka sa mga mas matandang babae upang gawing girlfriends. Nakakalungkot isipin na na-feature ka at ang iyong pagiging alcoholic nung nakaraan sa Yahoo! Nakakalungkot isipin na hindi kita kailanman makikita sa personal. Huhu. 

Pero okay lang. Araw-araw naman kitang nakikita dahil sa mga poster mo sa kwarto ko. At okay lang, dahil habambuhay ka naman sa puso ko. Hihi. 

P.S. Crush ka na din nga pala ni Saab. Palagi ka niyang tinititigan. 

How Does It Feel to Lose the One You Love?

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Death ends a life not a relationship" 
— Mitch Albom

I came across  Lorna Tolentino's Twitpic account while I was passively browse the internet for anything that could occupy my spare time and I saw her posted old pictures of her with husband who passed away because of cancer. It saddened me to see all those old photos with all these sad captions and then this random thought came to mind: how is it to lose the one you love? More specifically, how does it feel when the one you love dies?

How does it feel when everything between you two is doing great, you're all happy and in love more than anyone could love another and then suddenly he/she is taken away from you? In just a snap, just like that--no heartfelt goodbyes, no I-will-wait-for-you-in-heaven promises.

How does it feel that after a decade or more of being together, you will no longer hear the sound of his smelly fart and annoying burp. Or the sound of his loud, disturbing snore that you thought would never let you fall into a deep sleep but later on began to be a comforting sound that makes you feel secure, that you will never have to sleep alone again. How does it feel that after so many years of being together you won't ever have the chance to touch his face along with his mustache you always reminded him to shave regularly, to see his haircut you've been dying to change for a long time. How does it feel when you no longer have someone to argue with, to have petty fights with, to tease endlessly and have them tease you back? How does it feel that after those many comfortable years, you won't be able to see his smile or hear his contagious laugh that would make you want to get up in bed and start another day with him?

I guess there really are some things you just can't seem to move on from. There are some things or people that will forever linger to your mind and to your soul. And when they're gone, all you can do is to bear the pain every single day until that pain seems to be a lot more bearable than it was yesterday. I guess all you can do is to succumb in all the memories you two had shared to fill that emptiness inside.  I guess all you can do is hope that someday, you will be together again at some place you can both call your heaven.

Lastly, I just want to share this ad which I thought was really heartfelt and brilliant. At the end of the day, as what Russel of Disney's Up said, sometimes it is the boring stuff you remember the most.

And I thought this blog is supposed to be amusing. God, this post is miserable...and so am I.

Day 1: A Letter to Your Best Friend/s

Dear Best Friends, 

I know I've written so many letters for the three of you in the past. We've been friends for a decade now and I think I've said all the things I want to say to you, personally, through texts and wall posts, and even in paper. This letter would be just like the others--full of mushy thoughts about our friendship or more like sisterhood and our unfailing love for one another. 

Remember those mornings when we waited for each other and we'd all be late for school just cause someone woke up a little later than she should? Remember those afternoons we spent just walking around the subdivision, looking for something more fun to do and stalking our crushes 'til the wee hours of the night? Remember those weekends when we had our sleepovers, pictorials, and videos-making? 

Remember those code names we attached to everyone at school or at random people we met just because they're cute/ugly/bitchy/a plain nuisance? Remember those times when we'd purposely do things that would irritate those people that we don't like? Remember those contagious laughs about stories we've heard for a thousand times? Remember when our only problem was how we're going to not be suspended or how we're going to graduate with honors? 

It seemed like so many years have already gone by. Those petty things we used to argue about and those days when we're all free from worries now seem to be out of reach. It's a little more complicated now and things are a little blurry--the future, our careers, money/family/relationship matters. We all have our own little complicated lives now but I am glad there's this one thing that hasn't change still. Despite all the changes that happened to our lives, good or bad, our friendship remained strong and intact. 

This friendship made me realize that no matter how lost I can be, there are still people I can hold on to. This friendship made me realize that no matter how blurry the road to life can be at times, there are still your best friends who would never let you travel alone. This friendship made me realize that there are people that will accept and understand you no matter what you did and that these people are the only ones that should matter. This friendship made me realize that there are things, believe it or not, that remain the same even after so many years pass by. Lastly, this friendship made me realize that you can love another person unconditionally and selflessly. 

Mia, Celine, and Jobeth, you're ones of the few who understood me without me speaking. You're the ones who saw me when I can't even fathom how lost I am. You're the ones who loved me when I was pushing everybody away. My love for you won't be matched by your future husbands, like seriously. Cheers to a lifetime of friendship and sisterhood! :)

P.S. I hope our kids and future kids would be the best of friends, too.

The 30-Day Letter Challenge

I really suck at writing letters for anyone, but heck, I need to write something more personal other than my regular SEO articles every single day. You see, writing articles on different websites every day makes me feel like a spam robot or something. This challenge will make me feel like a human again. So, you readers, all three of you, need to bear with me. Let's do this! 

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

#tipsforUPfreshies

Dahil sa trending topic na #tipsforUPfreshies sa Twitter at dahil na rin sa recent post ni Ryo kaya ako magsusulat ng sarili kong version. Bukod sa wala akong Twitter account, sa tingin ko hindi kasya ang 160-characters(?) para masabi ko lahat ng gusto kong ibilin sa mga bagong estudyante ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas lalong-lalo na yung mga taga UP Manila. 


Isang babala lang, itong mga tips na ito eh hindi universal at sa malamang-lamang eh mag-apply lang sa mga estudyanteng kumuha o kumukuha ng kurso na kagaya nang akin: BA Procrastinating Major in Cramming.  


1. Mahirap ang Math 11 pero maipapasa mo ito. Hindi ako agree sa sinabi ni Ryo na madali lang ang Math 11. Kung madali lang ang Math 11 bakit may mga taong nakakaabot ng Math 88 (ibig sabihin 8 times niya nang tine-take ang Math 11 at di pa din nakakapasa.) Kahit ako, naka Math 33 pero laking pasalamat ko na naipasa ko ito after ng pangatlong try. Pag kasi hindi pa, taga mo sa bato, nabaliw na siguro ako. Pero totoo, nakukuha sa aral ang subject na ito. Matindi lang talagang concentration at practice ang kailangan. Yung tipong masasagutan mo na yung buong module bago pa man mangalahati yung sem. At eto ang tip na sadly ay di ko ginawa, totoo, may points kang makukuha sa effort kaya kahit di mo alam ang sagot sa exam, maganda pa din yung makita ng prof mong nag-try kang mag-solve. 


2. Hindi natutuwa ang mga prof sa mga teacher's pet at yung mga sobrang G.C. (grade conscious) na naghahabl ng grade. Ayaw ng mga prof yung naghahabol ng correction sa grade dahil feeling ko, iniisip nila, "anong akala mo, hindi ako marunong mag-compute ng grade? na mali ang judgement ko?" Wag na wag ipamumuka sa mga prof na mali sila lalong-lalo na kung hindi ka sure na mali talaga sila, matatalo ka lang. Meron akong prof dati na nagalit sa mga classmate kong naghabol sa grade. Sa huli, yun pa din ang grade nila. Hindi na nga tumaas ang grade nila, chinismis pa sila ng prof sa amin. 


3. Walang UP Professor na bobo. Sure, merong ineffective magturo, meron yung tipong makakatulugan mo na at magkakasala ka talaga sa sobrang boring magturo, pero lahat sila matalino at marunong. Hindi mo sila mabobola at hindi mo mapapaikot ang ulo nila. Wag nang subukang mangopya dahil wala kang ligtas. Or at the very least, mahiya ka naman. Pinaghirapan mo ang UPCAT tapos mangongopya ka lang pag nakapasok ka na?  


4. When all else fails, take a nap. Kapag may MGA paper kang due na kinabukasan o ilang oras mula sa kasalukuyan, kung may MGA exam kang cover to cover ang scope, kung may MGA project kang sabay-sabay ang pasahan, kung may MGA report kang kailangang pag-aralan, kung pasahan na ng thesis mo mamaya, o kung thesis defense mo na kinabukasan, at dumudugo na ang utak mo kakaisip kung pano o kelan o kung matatapos mo pa ba lahat ng dapat mong gawin, mag POWER NAP ka. Totoo, malaking tulong yan. Kasi naku-cultivate ang mga ideas pag tulog ka at napapanaginian mo ang mga dapat mong gawin at isagot sa mga tanong na di mo masagot pag gising ka. Kung talagang maswerte ka, mapapanaginipan mo pa ang mga sagot sa mga mind-boggling questions na ito. Isa pa, hindi advisable na aralin mo ang buong libro. Ginawa ko na ito isang beses, bumagsak lang ako. Di ko na inulit ulit. 


5. Hindi sa lahat ng oras, aral lang ang aatupagin mo. College days ang pinaka-liberating sa lahat at talagang mararamdaman mo ang kalayaan mo bilang isang tao. Hawak mo sarili mong schedule at pwede mong gawin ang gusto mo basta ikaw din ang bahala sa consequences nito. Hindi maganda yung puro ka lang aral kasi pag-graduate mo, you'll spend the rest of your life working. I-balance lang ang oras sa pag-aaral, mga 30% aral tapos 70% yung gimik at spending time with friends.Yan ang talagang ideal percentage ng school at fun. Promise, pag sinunod mo yan, ga-graduate ka on time! :) 

Of Families and Funerals

It was like ages since we last saw each other when in fact, it was just last month. A lot has happened between us and I know it's not gonna end soon. This cold treatment I am experiencing from you is beyond anything that happened to me in the past. I know I've been a huge disappontment to you and to the whole family and that kind of treatment just makes sense.

But I missed you. I missed the way we talk like we're the best of friends. I missed the times I would request for anything and you'd eagerly oblige. I missed the exchange of warm, sweet text messages once in a while. And seeing you a while ago was very comforting. Seeing you a while ago, even with that cold treatment, was better than not seeing you at all. Even if it pained me for thinking you don't want to see me anymore, seeing you was what I was praying for.

And when I was about to leave, you introduced me to your friend and showed how proud you are to me. You didn't know how much I want to cry because I can't contain my happiness. Well, I am great at holding my tears back, so that explains my instead, big smile from ear to ear. And when you asked for a kiss, I realized, yes, you may have been hurt and disapponted because of what happened but you're still you. And I am still your favorite granddaughter. And today, I was shown unconditional love.

On other notes, I don't know what is it about me and funerals. I'd rather look at the pictures of the dead person, be it a relative or whoever, than look at that person inside the coffin, all pale and...well, dead. It's like I don't want my last memory of that person be that of me looking at him/her inside a coffin. Or I don't know, maybe I am just a coward and that it's fucking scary.

Mother's Day Obligatory Post

I have been looking for a picture of my mom and I together to put as a display picture in my Facebook account. I can't find any recent picture of just the two of us, just those crappy low quality pictures in groups. So what I made as a display photo of us is this:

I can't believe the last picture we had together, just the two of us, was when I was in elementary. That's me and her in one of my Recognition Days when I was young. It is such a happy moment for the both of us we look ecstatic, right?

The reason why we do not have so many pictures together as I was growing up's because she has to leave to work abroad. Times were really hard so she had to leave us to earn money. She left even before she can see me graduate from elementary.

So no, she was not the one whom I told who my first crush is. She was not there when I had my first menstruation period. She was not there during all of my graduations. She wasn't even there the exact day I gave birth to my baby. We never had those boyfriends conversations. We never had talks about the birds and the bees. We never had those shopping bonding moments together when I was a teenager. We were never the kind who gets to talk to each other everyday.

I once envy those girls who were very close to their mothers. Those who can tell every single detail of what's happening to them every single day. But now it's all clear to me. She did all of those for us. I now know that I owe her my life. I owe her everything. That I should be thankful because she's definitely not less of a mother just because she wasn't physically beside us every single time. In fact, I think she offered more.

She left all of her friends and family so that we can have food on the table, so we could have a good education. She endured all the pain to be away from us. I go somewhere without Saab for just hours and I miss her already, my mother had to be away for years.

When I told her I was pregnant, she said nothing against me. She just said she'll be home with me even just for a month because she knows I need her. Even if it was disappointing, she never made me feel that I was indeed a disappointment. She still made me feel as if I am a good person. Well. I'd like to think I am. She made me a good person. I was brought up by a great mother so I grew up to be a good one, too. If Saab will grow up, I'd like her to be just like me.

I think if a person would like to know what unconditional love is, all he has to do is look into everything his mother's done to him. Even if he goes astray or push her away, she still loves as much as she could, gives as much as she can. She's that one person who can teach you the very essence of the word.

If you grew up being showered by the love of your mother, you've been given the best gift life and God have to offer. I sure do know, I am one of them.

I know my mother won't be able to read this ( I won't let her of course, it's too cheesy!) but I guess it would be just enough for other people to know how much I love her. I owe her my life, and my child's life. I love her very much.

To all mother's out there, Happy Mother's Day and you truly are the greatest gift to your children.

UPDATE: 
So, here's the latest picture of my mom and I. Cheers to new pictures and to the fact that we now learned how to smile in front of the camera.

Bus Rides, Baby Carrier, and Barf-flavored Jelly Beans

Bus Rides

It was just yesterday when I had my first bus ride after twenimilyen years (or like since September last year). I obviously missed the feeling of riding one because I am eager enough to write about it here. Yeah, I missed the feeling of riding a bus every single day, back and forth, when I was still working, and even more, when I was still studying.

I missed the times when I was almost occupying the two joint seats because I was just doing a school project to be passed that day. The seat beside me was occupied with all of my materials, including all the cut construction papers, scissors, glue, basically everything messy and colorful. I can see the irritated face of that person who waited for a little while for me to fix my things and let him actually sit. And yes, if ever you're wondering I was able to finish the scrapbook before I left the bus. 

I missed the times when I bump into or share the ride with someone I know, or more specifically someone close to me (because if that's someone I literally just know, that will be awkward, knowing how anti-social I am). It's so nice having to talk to a friend for two or more hours... or if by any chance, the situation starts to feel awkward because there's nothing else to talk to, just having a shoulder to sleep on... or to just have someone you know sit beside you and not talk at all. I remember my guy best friend paying for my fare but I wasn't able to talk to him during the entire ride because I was too busy studying for my Physics/Chemistry exam. I was so busy reading something I really didn't understand because it's comforting to know that you've read the whole thing even if you can't understand a thing(that was my make or break final exam, about to happen just after I jump off of the bus).

I even missed the times when I can only wait, helplessly, for the bus to arrive at Taft before I can jump off it and run for as long as I am breathing. If you live in Cavite, you would certainly have an idea about what I am talking about: the heavy flow of traffic, or sometimes no traffic at all. Everything on your lane won't be moving for hours straight. During the first few times I've encountered this, I was too nervous that i won't be able to reach our school on time. Fearing that I would be facing those professors who loathe tardy students. But as time goes by, I learned to shrug it off. I was even at times laughing on those people who were stressing too much about it. Hey, I can't do anything about it, I am not the one driving. 

Yes, I thought all about that during my two-hour bus ride yesterday. 

Baby Carrier

So it was also Saab's first time to ride a bus yesterday.  We weren't really allowed to tag along since my Mom and Tita will only be commuting, but, SAAB'S INSISTING, so we went anyway. The first thing we bought was the baby carrier so we wouldn't have to carry Saab all the freaking time. She's getting heavier and I can't stand carrying her for hours in the mall.

After eating launch we went to the department store. My mom bought some stuff. I was patiently waiting for her to finish so I can also try some clothes on. Thank God Saab's such a cute baby all the salesladies wanted to carry her. We, of course, agreed. I was so happy I can finally fit the clothes I want to buy. 

Sadly, I have this other problem which resulted in me purchasing just one item. I don't have a shirt size that would fit me good. Mediums are too tight and Larges are too loose. What am I supposed to do now? Go on a diet so I could fit into the medium-sized clothes or eat more? Or should they just, you know, create sizes for the 'in-betweens' like me. 

Barf-flavored Jelly Beans

We were about to leave the mall when I saw Candy Corners store and I remembered Ferald telling me about these jelly beans that tasted like diapers and boogers. I looked for it in the candy store and found these Jelly Belly packs. Beside the boxes with assorted-deliciously-flavored jelly beans are the Bean Boozled boxes. Being the adventurous type, I opted for the Bean Boozled instead of the regular good-tasting jelly beans.  

This product has the tagline, "Dare to Compare". Apparently they have these  good tasting flavors and counterparts of very disgusting ones. They're of the same color and smell so you wouldn't know what flavor it is until you munch on one. 

Personally, I both like the counterparts, toothpaste and berry blue. They both taste good. The flavor that I hated most are rotten egg, centipede, barf, and booger. They apparently taste exactly like what they are called. Seriously, they taste so awful, my brother and I literally had the urge to puke. Mr. Taxi Driver was even very curious of what we're eating. He kept on asking questions about it. I offered but he begged off. 


Eating that would only be fun if you have someone to eat it with. Otherwise, I suggest that you don't buy it, P100 is not worth for every box of disgusting jelly beans. You wouldn't even dare try your luck. 


All in all, it was a very exhausting but fun day for me. It is, after all, a very different from the usual internet browsing-breastfeeding-sleeping day for me.